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It is purely a movie made by non-gamers and Bull After God made Me He Said Ta Da Shirt for non-gamers. I’m not a hardcore gamer, but I’ve been playing video games for 25 years now. It’s hard to even call what they made a video game. It was a fantasy movie where they transported to a magical land because no video game logic was used. “Lincoln” was a mind-numbingly boring movie that’s “highlights” were Daniel Day-Lewis being Daniel Day-Lewis with a fake beard. I majored in Political Science (pro-tip: DON’T). I knew what was going on and the maneuverings that were happening and etc.

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Did not change the fact that it was a Bull After God made Me He Said Ta Da Shirt boring movie. You know how sometimes a movie is considered “so bad it’s good”? For me, Lincoln was “so good it’s bad”. Every line was so eloquent, every putdown so perfectly timed, every acting choice so well-calculated that after a while, I had trouble seeing the humanity in the characters. They always had the exact right thing to say at the exact right time in the exact right way- and no humans are truly like that. Watching the film was like looking at a photograph that’s been retouched so much that the subject seems less like.

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A person and more like a CGI human in the Bull After God made Me He Said Ta Da Shirt valley. In the same way, Lincoln is in the uncanny valley- not of human appearance but of humanity itself. Seriously, this is not a joke. The Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter was surprisingly good on its own merits. I think it’s because the actor who played Lincoln carried the role really well and it was a good vampire movie, using vampire-fighting elements as “alternate historical explanations” for various real events in the Civil War.

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