This is a really good point. She went Official Donald Trump Come And Take Him Shirt to force a heart-to-heart with her daughter (who, in my opinion, actually was handling her emotions pretty well up to that point, even if it wasn’t ideal: she removed herself from the situation instead of losing her shit at the dinner table. Good for her.), and then the daughter gets punished for expressing her anger to the person who 1) forced her to talk about it, and 2) should be safe to express her anger too. Mom should absolutely have firmly said that those terms are wildly inappropriate, hurtful, and will not be tolerated in the home.
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But grounding her for a fucking Official Donald Trump Come And Take Him Shirt because the whole family forced the child into this situation and then abandoned her? That’s cruel.YTA- the real problem isn’t that your SIL does porn and your daughter has a problem with it. The problem is you hid it from her and left her open to being bullied because of her ignorance. If you were so cool and open about your SIL being a porn star then you could have told your daughter, she would have been better prepared and none of this would have changed how she dealt with her aunt. I can see why she would blame you and her aunt for all her embarrassment.
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All this is repercussions of your Official Donald Trump Come And Take Him Shirt and your daughter’s feelings are very valid considering the situation. Your daughter learned her aunt’s profession in the least ideal way possible. Imagine an adoptive child learning they were adopted from one of their peers in school? They would feel embarrassed, shame, anger, and frustration, just like your daughter are. You and the aunt lied by omission, allowing this to unfold. If she had been let in on this information before getting teased for it she would’ve had time to thicken her skin, process the information independently and with your help in a shame-free environment. Unfortunately and predictably the opposite happened, due to y’all’s omission.