Fucking Gravity. I hated that movie. I work for a You’ve Cat To Be Kitten Me Right Meow Shirt firm that makes stuff for the ISS. That movie felt like a reason to get Sandra Bullock in her skimpies. Space isn’t sexy. Space is full of a rats nest of cables and 30-year-old equipment that’s miraculously being kept on life support by an extremely dedicated group of engineers. It’s a movie about someone not being able to make up their minds. She can choose the kind and thoughtful war hero with money who loves her. Or the kind and thoughtful war hero without a lot of money who loves her. They were both great dudes.
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Pick one. You’re not a martyr, lady. When we finally broke up You’ve Cat To Be Kitten Me Right Meow Shirt I was in a new relationship, I started wondering what was wrong because we never fought about anything. We’d disagree, then compromise, like rational adults. I figured it meant this relationship wasn’t a real one, and wouldn’t last. (Seven years, an elopement, and a toddler later, I’m pretty sure we’re a decent relationship. Though we do occasionally take “not fighting” to an extreme. We’re working on it. Which is better than quoting shitty Nicholas Sparks movies. The thing I never can stand about these movies is you don’t see her fall in love with the other guy.
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Yeah, we’re rooting for Ryan gosling, we saw him take her You’ve Cat To Be Kitten Me Right Meow Shirt or whatever. What’d this other dude do? I want to feel that it’s a tough choice. Not be told that it is. Wait, critics liked that movie? It was a huge cringefest. It was exactly what you would think of if Seth Rogen and his buddies got high. And decided to make fun of the toy story. It did nothing original except put swearing and smoking weed into the kind of story that a kids movie would have. Maybe critics are secretly just edgelord teenagers who would think that kind of dumb shit is funny.
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